Control Anger With 2 Questions

When you’re getting angry, you’re beginning to experience a strong feeling of or showing annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Anger will show up in many different ways and can often lead to statements or actions that aren’t so pleasant. You may end up doing or saying something that you wish you could take back.

You may respond to anger by showing aggression or raising your voice, and it could negatively impact those around you.

If your anger boils up at home or work, you become short-fused and unable to communicate effectively.

If it shows up when you’re competing, you may ruin your chances (or your team’s chances) at performing your best.

If you’re quick to anger in a pressure situation, your emotions will get the best of you and you’ll be distracted from your purpose and goals.

Let’s get something straight real quick, feeling angry is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s something we will all continue to experience at different levels. But, responding to the feeling of anger with MORE hostility can be incredibly harmful.

Remember, you are not angry, you are feeling angry. There is a big difference. It isn’t who you are, it’s something temporary that you’re experiencing.

So, next time you begin to feel some anger, ask yourself these 2 questions to understand it so you can manage your response better

  1. How am I hurting right now? Most anger is present as an expression of hurt.
  2. What am I afraid of right now? Anger is also an expression of fear.

When you can understand that you’re hurting, or afraid and that’s why you’re feeling angry, it all makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE. Talk it out, work it out. Then, be kind to yourself (and others) by accepting what’s going on and knowing that it’s okay.

These 2 questions will also help you when you’re engaging with someone else who is acting angry. They are hurting, they are afraid, there is MORE to it than just their hostile words or actions.

Bottom Line: Responding to ANGER with ANGER is not the answer. It won’t make for a positive situation and could really fuck things up for others. Instead, work to understand anger so that you can respond in a more thoughtful, productive, stronger way.


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I’m Dawn Fletcher, the owner of Driven Mind. I help driven-individuals perform better and achieve greatness in all that they do.

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